Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Precious Words



There are times in life when someone says something to you that brings resolve or comfort to a situation in your life.

To the husband who works hard to take care of his family but seems to never bring enough money home, "I know how hard you work to provide for us," can be the most encouraging words a wife could possibly give to her husband in that moment of frustration. Those are precious words.

To the sinner who feels defeated when looking at their repeated failure to overcome sin in their life, hearing "Jesus Christ's saving work is powerful enough to save even a sinning Christian," can make you cheer for God and lift you to praise for grace. Those are precious words, too.

To the one who is grieving over the loss of a loved one, knowing that "death has lost it's sting in Jesus Christ," brings hope, encouragement and gratitude for the empty tomb. Those are much needed precious words in times of death.

Today I heard some precious words. I don't ever want to forget them. They made me weep for joy. They helped bring some resolve to a past situation in my life. They made me grateful to God.

In order to help you understand the gravity and preciousness of these words, I must share something from my past. I share, not to ask for pity, nor to vent, nor to bad mouth anyone. I simply share to recognize the hand of God in my family as He grows us in the knowledge of His grace.

Several years ago I was asked to resign from the church I served at. For all practical purposes, it was a firing. And that is ok. I fully recognize God's sovereignty in the situation and understand that He was in full control of the situation. The reason for my being asked to resign was because of my growing understanding of the doctrines of grace and reformation theology. At that time, I didn't know what reformed theology was. I really didn't. I thought reformed people were people who practiced infant baptism and had a different view of communion. I just knew that what I was learning was feeding my soul and making me more vigilant in my evangelistic endeavors. What I was learning created more zeal in my preaching and more concern for the church of God. What I was learning made me want to be a better pastor who elevated God as much as I possibly could from week to week. Knowing how I was growing, I wanted others to grow too. So I taught what I learned. And why shouldn't I have done that. I wanted the teens in our student ministry and the adult leaders to get a taste of what was going on in my mind and in my heart. So I tried to pass it on.

Doctrines like God's sovereignty, the doctrine of election, God's decrees, His wisdom, justification, imputation, sanctification and a host of others were being taught to me by people like A.W. Pink, John MacArthur, Mark Dever, Charles Spurgeon and a host of other godly men--living and dead. These doctrines were just the start of it...the tip of the proverbial iceberg, if you will. I hungered for more and felt like I had been revived from a spiritual stupor that I didn't even know I was in. So I kept on teaching and teaching and teaching. I kept on learning and learning and learning. And I took what I got, digested it, and tried to feed it to others like a momma bird does to her little birdies....gross image, I know. But I wanted our student ministry to get this, our student leaders, our whole church, and my own wife.

As time went on, it became clear to those in authority that I was moving in a different direction as the rest of the church. I didn't see it that way. I figured that as a shepherd, my duty from God was to help the church grow and be corrected where there was error or shortcomings. That's what us pastor dudes do with God's Word. We feed it to the sheep and the sheep get healthier. I did this for several years and was pleased to see others growing as I was growing. Yet I didn't realize the full implications of what would befall my family for teaching what I was teaching. Not being able to see the future, I didn't know that I would eventually be asked to resign. In those final months, my eyes opened and I knew it would be a matter of time before I was asked to leave. But what could I do but continue to preach what I was Scripturally convinced of. I knew that it would mean that I was going to have to put my family in harms way. That's a tough pill to swallow.

Well, I was finally asked to resign. I remember that night vividly. I was asked to have a private meeting with the pastor and a deacon after youth group on a Sunday night. In my gut I knew it was my final night. So sitting next to some student leaders after our youth group meeting adjourned, I looked over at them before heading off to my meeting and said to them, "It was great serving with you." One leader said, "Shut up! What are you talking about?" I said, "I'll be seeing you around." I walked away from them and before exiting the room, I turned around and took one final look at the people I served for nearly six years....one final look at the room in which I had faithful served God during that time. What would happen next? I wasn't too sure of. But something was about to change.

I contended for the truth and sometimes that is not always met with applause. (I wish someone would have told me this ahead of time, but oh well.) This is something we should expect in the Christian life. I had never experienced anything like this but it was good for my soul. It was really good for my soul. I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world.

So this brings me back to the precious words I just heard. They were so precious that I had to actually get up out of bed and come post this before my thoughts became muddled. My wife and I were laying down in bed talking and talking. We were talking about how good God has been to us and how He has protected us from silly decisions we've made and how He has even protected us when standing firm in the faith.

We were recalling the events I just mentioned to you and I asked her what she was thinking during those final months. Here's a summary of what she had to say:

"I kept thinking to myself, 'Why do you have to create these waves? Am I married to some fanatic who has just gone over the edge?' She continued, "I just kept telling myself, 'I have to trust my husband. I don't understand what's going on, but I have to believe that he's doing the right thing or he wouldn't be teaching this stuff.'"


During those final months, she confessed that she was very scared and nervous about what might happen to our family. As we were laying in bed, my heart hurt as she said this. I don't ever want to do something that would put my family in a tough spot. Nevertheless, there are some things that are worth suffering for--even when it includes your own wife and daughter's suffering. What makes it harder is when those suffering don't know why their suffering...they just happen to be along for the ride. As my heart broke, I was simultaneously encouraged by her vote of confidence in me during this time. I recognized in greater depth the grace that God has shown me in giving me this kind of supportive wife. Her feelings of being married to a fanatic made me chuckle a bit, too.

At that moment I rolled over and put my arm around my wife and started to worship God for putting me through this trying experience and I began praising God for the wife He gave me. It was incredible. He turned my mourning into dancing. He used my pain for His praise. This spontaneous worship arose from something that happened over three years ago.

Knowing that three years had elapsed since that dark period in our life--and knowing that my wife has learned much during these past three years and has grown alongside of me--and knowing of her former confusion, I said to her, "I'm so sorry for what had to happen...but do you now understand what all that was about? Do you see the importance behind what we're now teaching our church and why I couldn't stop back then?"

And she said some of the most precious words I've ever heard. "Back then I didn't get it. But now I understand."

"Now I understand." Those words brought an increased joy to my heart and I thanked God for bringing my wife out of the dark. I thanked God that He kept my marriage intact during what must have been utter confusion to my wife. That moment of trial has led to my family being much more solid in God's Word. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I rejoice for it. And those three words--now I understand--showed me the grace of God in contending for the truth.

Yet even those three words, as fabulous as they are to my situation, even those three words don't compare to the most precious words of all......

His Word is bearing fruit in my family and in my marriage and in my church. His Word does not come back void! His Word is so precious. Those are the most precious words of all. Cherish them. Rejoice in them. Relish them. Bask in them. Let them enrich and feed your soul. They are beautiful words...wonderful words...wonderful words of life.



photo credit: Jeff Martin

Why NOT To Marry




Paul David Tripp on why many people marry:

"It could be that I'm attracted to you not because I love you, but I'm attracted to you because I love me. This is powerful attraction that is not really love of the other, but romance that was actually self-love in a costume."


Thanks Josh for posting this on facebook. I had to post it.

Marriage

It seems as if Josh stole a bit of my thunder with his post, but I too was privileged to be a part of a wedding this past Saturday. So often a wedding is a celebration of two people joining their lives together and forming a union in front of family, friends, and God. It is the culmination of every little girl's fantasy growing up and the satisfaction of every young man in his pursuit for that perfect "one". Everyone is there to adore the beautiful bride and congratulate the new groom. The wedding party's job is to make sure everything goes according to plan and to make the bride and groom look as good as possible. It is a momentous occasion as well it should be.

But as I stood there during the ceremony I thought nothing of these things. I was truly blessed to be a part of the wedding and am greatly encouraged by the relationship that God has brought together. However, I found myself reflecting on how marriage is the perfect reflection of the unconditional love Christ has for His saints. He sacrificed His own life so that in turn we might enjoy the benefits of His righteousness. He has set us apart from all others to have and to keep unto Himself. His desire is to present us as holy, unblemished, and in splendor! How awesome will it be on that day when we, as the bride, will be presented to Christ as a beautifully adorned bride bearing His purity, holiness, and righteousness all because of His infinite love for us!

Ephesians 5:25-27
25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

A Wedding Service

Just got home from finishing a wedding. I don't have a lot of time for a long commentary, but I wanted to post the wedding service and a couple of thoughts.

Over the past several years I have changed the way that I do weddings. First of all, I no longer charge for any services rendered. If someone wishes to give me a gift, I do not refuse (for various reasons like etiquette and traveling expenses). But when asked to do a wedding and asked what my fees are I say, "It's a privilege to do weddings. It's another opportunity for me to share the gospel with several hundred people at once. For that I cannot charge and I'll do it gladly for free" (even if there is no gift afterwards). Also, I let them know that doing it for free allows them to spend money on other costly things or they can save some money (novel idea).

Secondly, when I do a wedding, I disclose to the couple that the wedding service is actually a worship service so Christ and His gospel will be central to the wedding. I let them know that I only do Christian weddings. I give them an example of a previous wedding that I have done so that they can read it and decide if they still want me to perform the service. If they don't want me to then they can decline and that is ok with me.

Now some people have a conscience that will not allow them to marry unbelievers. I will marry two unbelievers because marriage is for all, not just Christians. I won't marry a believer and an unbeliever. But marrying two unbelievers gives me many opportunities to share the gospel (with the couple beforehand and with all the guest during the service). Today, I had this opportunity. I was a bit nervous because it was a wedding in which I practically knew nobody. Well, I knew the groom's mom and that was it...well, my wife was there, too...but that's really it. I wasn't sure how the entire gathering would respond. You know it's easier to preach in front of your the home crowd (your own church family) verses a group of people in which you assume most to be unbelievers. So who knew how this would turn out. But the groom and bride had read the sermon ahead of time and still wanted me to do perform the service, so I went ahead with many prayers and utter dependence on God.

I fumbled a few words. "Cherishes" is hard to say when you're a bit nervous. Not a big deal. I'm not sure how unbelievers received the message. I just know that I tried to be faithful to the simple task God had given me. Thank you for those that prayed for me and any unsaved present at the ceremony. I will say that there were several believers present that were happily stunned that the ceremony was so overtly Christian. They confessed that they had never heard a wedding service quite like it but were wonderfully pleased. That was encouraging to say the least (not for my ego, but to see the Lord encourage the body through His Word).

Anyway, so that's my comment on weddings: I do them for free and they are overtly Christian in nature. May the Lord be honored in all we do...even wedding services. Here now is the transcript--word for word...literally.



OPENING PRAYER/BE SEATED
Father in heaven, we bless your name and give glory to you now. We know that every good gift we have is from you. As we come together to celebrate the gift of marriage and love, I pray that our hearts would be filled with gratitude for your kindness. Bless this wedding service now for your sake. We pray this is the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Please be seated.

WELCOME
Love ones, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and in the presence of all of you, to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our support and blessings to the covenant that will unite LUCAS and SUZEE in holy matrimony.

Marriage is a most honorable estate, created and instituted by God for the mutual caring on one another. Marriage was also given to us by God to help us understand the wonderful loving and everlasting union that also exists between Christ and His Church. So too may this marriage be adorned by true and lasting love. And so now I ask:

GIVING & RECEIVING OF THE BRIDE
Who gives this woman to be married to this man? (Father, responds)

LUCAS, you may receive your bride. (Father will place the bride’s hand with the groom's and steps back.)

LUCAS and SUZEE, God created people with the need for relationship. First and foremost, we were created to know and love God. Understanding this helps us to see how we can properly love one another. Let me explain. In the tragedy of all tragedies, sin entered the human race and has blinded us to the beauty, majesty and infinite worth of our loving God. Because of sin we do not naturally desire and love God and see Him as the true Treasure that will forever satisfy our hungry souls. Our relationship with Him has been ruined and we are no longer at peace and in love with Him. Yet God was not willing to leave our relationship with Him in this state. As a people who run away from God, God is one who runs after us with an intense love. His love is a restoring love and a reconciling love.

The way that God restores the relationship between Himself and sinful mankind is through the great sacrifice and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. The Father sent the Son to live the sinless life that we failed to live. Jesus loved the Father perfectly. Scripture declares that when we put our confidence or faith in Jesus to save us from our sin and God’s great penalty for our sin, that God gives us, as a gift, the perfect obedience of Christ so that when God looks at us, He no longer sees us as sinners but as sinless and perfect. By faith in Christ our sin was transferred to Christ so that when He suffered on the cross, He was suffering and paying the penalty for my sinful life and any who put their faith in Christ. This is how God makes peace and restores the love relationship between Him and sinful man. It is the love and mercy of God that brings us back to Him in complete love.

I mention this because Scripture uses the language of marriage to describe the relationship between Christ and those who put their faith in Christ, namely the church. Scripture calls Christ the groom and it calls the church His bride. The Bible tells us that Christ gave up His life for His bride--for the church--that she might be saved and have an everlasting and ever-increasing joy as she is brought to be with God for all eternity. And it is this pattern of love and devotion that God sets forth as the pattern for our marriage relationships. So first and foremost, if we do not understand the great lengths that the Godhead went through to restore sinners to Him, then we will not have the proper lens to look through with which to guide our marriages.

Ephesians 5:25-33 [25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

[28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30] because we are members of his body. [31] “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In as plain language as possible, the Bible teaches us that Christ loved His church and willingly laid down His life for her good and in order that she might live eternally. In response the church is to lovingly devote her life to her Savior. This is exactly how the husband and wife are told to relate to one another. The husband’s duty is not to seek his own good, but to seek his wife’s good. The wife’s duty is to seek her husband’s good, not her own. Marriage is not about self-gratification, but the gratification of the one to whom you are making this covenant with. The covenant and vows that you are about to make are written specifically in that way for a reason. They are statements that reflect the commitment that you are making to the other person. The vows are not promises to seek out the desires of self but to meet each others’ needs in all circumstances, good or bad, ‘til death do you part. As each of you keeps your vows, the other will have the utmost confidence that all of their needs will be met. In this type of covenant keeping is true security and the foundation for a long and fruitful marriage. And so my prayer is for both of you to honor God by portraying the everlasting love relationship between Christ and His church. And since nothing will separate the church from her Savior, so too shall this marriage continue until the day that God separates you by death.

Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

The covenant you make here now before God and these witnesses is solemn and to be entered into with this understanding. The vows that you are about to partake in are your promise to each other and to God that with His help you will do all that is necessary to keep your marriage healthy, thriving and intact.

Press into each other. Fight for a great marriage. Never yield to things that would weaken your love for one another. Realize that it is a great and blessed thing to be married and that it is God’s gift to you to show you His goodness. And above all, let the love that Christ had for His church be your motivation and guide and example for loving each other.

Understanding now the gravity and delight of marriage rooted in the love of Christ for His church, would you please continue to hold hands and face each other.

VOWS
LUCAS, do you take SUZEE to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and respect her, honor and cherish her, in health and in sickness, in prosperity and in adversity; and leaving all others to keep yourself only unto her, so long as you both shall live? ("I do")

SUZEE, do you take LUCAS to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and respect him, honor and cherish him, in health and in sickness, in prosperity and in adversity; and leaving all others to keep yourself only unto him, so long as you both shall live? ("I do")

EXCHANGE OF RINGS
Wedding rings are made of gold that have been purged from all it’s impurities. In our culture they symbolize the pure and unending love that the two of you are to have for one another. As you wear them, you declare to the rest of the world that your hearts are spoken for and that you belong to another. They are the outward sign of your inward commitment to each other.

LUCAS, please take this ring and place it on SUZEE’S finger and repeat after me. “With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

SUZEE, please take this ring and place it on LUCA’S finger and repeat after me. “With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

CHARGE TO THE COUPLE
LUCAS and SUZEE as the two of you come into this marriage united as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your love for one another, I would ask that you always remember the vows you have made here today. Cherish each other as special and unique individuals. Respect each other’s thoughts, ideas and suggestions. You must always forgive, never hold grudges, and live each day with Christ-like love as you share it together. From this day forward you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge. And I pray that your marriage will be strengthened by your love and respect for our great God and Savior Jesus Christ.

CLOSING PRAYER
Father, my prayer is that you would guard the covenant that has just been made. When life throws adversities at LUCAS and SUZEE, protect them. Give them endurance. Give them grace. Give them everything that is necessary for a long and healthy marriage. May their friends and family provide them with encouragement and counsel from this day forward. May the love that you have for us, inspire their love for each other. We pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

PRONOUNCEMENT / BENEDICTION / KISSING OF BRIDE
LUCAS and SUZEE in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in matrimony, having promised your love for each other by these vows, the giving of these rings and the joining of your hands…as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I now declare you to be husband and wife. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and may He gracious to you.

LUCAS, you may kiss your wife.

PRESENTATION & DISMISSAL
Loved ones, I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. LUCAS BLANKENSHIP.