My Sin and My Christ: A Journal Excerpt Written to the Greatest and Most Fickle Sinner I Know, Myself

The other day while in Theology II we were discussing the reality of sin and of its disgusting nature. While the class progressed and the teacher continued to paint what was an honest and Biblical perspective of sin, a girl raised her hand and asked a very good question. Apparently the professor was doing a decent job because when called on the girl asked how we were to hold to such a weighty and disgusting view of our sin without letting it overwhelm us. In essence her question was: how, if sin be so horrible, can it be of any good for us to constantly hold it as such? Wouldn’t the guilt of it alone leave us feeling condemned under its sheer weight? Is it helpful for us to daily bear such notions of our sin as the most vile and disgusting thing ever to exist? Won’t this just create an overwhelming sense of our own rottenness and leave us bowed and depressed? Her question was one so vitally important to the Christian life that, knowing its profound implications, I sat still in my seat, while my heart began to exceedingly speed on.
I wondered how many she spoke for. How many held similar questions even subconsciously? For certainly if those sitting in class were getting anything of what the professor was saying this girl’s question would be their first question as well. If sin be so sinful and I be so full of it, what chance of living joyfully have I? How many, I wondered, were benefiting very little from the class because deep down they realized to hold such serious thoughts of sin would be of no practical use to them? How many sat there thinking, “Yes, yes, but let’s not focus too much on this wretchedness. God is a God of grace and of love, after all, so let us get on with rejoicing and forget all this disgusting and miserable talk. We all know our sin is bad anyways.” And how many left the class not at all provoked because of how wretched they were, and not at all disturbed by their sin?
Oh, how I wish I could tell their souls to sit down that God would open their ears that I might have a word with them. What grace have we without serious thoughts of sin? What joy is there when we neglect to contemplate the wretchedness that dwells within us? I’ll tell you what grace we have: it is a cheap grace. I’ll tell you what joy: a light joy- a cavalier jolliness. This is the result of not sitting awhile and letting the stink of our own sin reach our noses. When we neglect to peal back the lids of our hearts to honestly look at the worms inside we will not even know what God’s grace means. God’s forgiveness will be small and His love will be shallow when our sin is light. A flippant dealing with sin leads to a weightless understanding of the gospel. And it is a tragedy.
The great Puritan John Owen once said, “He who has slight thoughts of sin never had great thoughts of God.” He is exactly right. We will never know how great of a Savior we have until we are deeply familiar with how great of a sinner we are. Until we know how much we hate God, we will never know how much He loves us. And oh how the many layers of our sin can so quickly throw us into the mires of despondency! Address one and you will surely find one beneath it. And probe that one and no doubt another ten others will show their ugly faces. Yet oh how the arm of God’s mercy is ever long enough to pluck us right out of this sinking pit again and again and set our feet to dancing and our mouths to singing!
Dear soul, know that there is more mercy in Christ than sin in you. Know that where your sin abounds, the grace of Christ abounds all the more. Know that your sins are never as great as Christ’s mercy. His forgiveness is big enough for your failures. Here is a well infinitely deep- no sin, however heinous, nor offense, however numerous, can dry it up. It extends down and ever down forever. Oh yes, though your sins be great, God’s love for you is greater.
And though your countless failures and your many shortcomings weigh heavily, Christ’s shoulders are strong enough to bear them even in your case. Oh, how strong are his shoulders? For did He not already carry your sins upon them? It is not much for Him to bear them now, for has He not already borne them? Though the weight of your sins may crush you and you may feel as defeated as ever- remember, victory is yours for there is a man who has already been crushed in your place. Christ Jesus has taken your sin upon his shoulders and has carried them all the way to Calvary.
Your sin has been paid for. Oh yes, it has! Won’t you believe it? Is your sin too horrible that it cannot be atoned for? Are you such a wretched and hopeless case that Christ cannot save you? Do you think you are unforgivable? Do you doubt such a perfect man would die for you? Is this impossible- that all the countless sins you have committed be done away with, forgiven, erased, forever? Is it unbelievable? Is it too good to be true? Oh doubting one, Christ’s blood is more than enough for you. Yes you are a mighty sinner, but Christ is a mighty Savior. Yes you are a miserable case, but Jesus is an amazing Christ. Are your sins black? Are your secrets dark? Christ’s blood is redder still, his righteousness whiter; Christ’s work on your behalf outshines your deepest and darkest secrets. Though you prove yourself a failure again and again, Christ is faithful even for you. His work forever stands as your pardon if you would but believe it.
Won’t you raise your defeated head and open your weary eyes? Look now, look! There is one I see who is pleading your case. Look! There he is bloodied and beaten in your place. Look, look! At the cross he has set himself to carry. Look, oh faint-hearted soul, there is your name I see inscribed on that cross. Look, it is your crown of thorns I see he wears. Look, it is your nails meant for you that have nailed him to this tree. Oh burdened person, oh worn-out saint, and oh searching soul- won’t you look? See him there now. He is hanging in your place. There he is condemned so that you don’t have to be. Oh, won’t you look, can’t you see? There he is. There he is dying for you. There he is taking the penalty of your sins upon himself. There he is in his dying breath, bringing eternal life to you. There he is, oh hear him now! At his very end, hear him, he musters the last of his strength and cries, “It is finished!” And he gives up his spirit; and his head falls to his chest. It is finished. It is done. The price of your sin has been paid. The cost of your redemption has been ransomed. The gift of your forgiveness has been purchased.
Now lift your head oh despairing and troubled one. Wipe the sadness from you eyes. Look now! Look again! The scene is not finished! Look at Christ’s tomb? What! Something is happening! The tomb containing our dead Savior is shaking, the great stone sealing him in has been moved! What! What is this? Look! Look! Quickly! The body! It’s gone! Where has it gone? What has become of our precious Lord’s body? Come now- come outside. Look over there! A figure, he is walking our way. Perhaps he is a thief, the one who has stolen our Lord’s body. As he approaches you cannot recognize him, but he looks strangely familiar. As he gets closer, you begin to weep. His face is all-too familiar indeed. And now he is before you. There is a warm smile parting his lips and kind eyes meet yours. In a rush it dawns on you, and you cry, “Teacher!” and fly into his arms. As the tears stream down your face, you look up again into the face that you did not think you could ever forget. Is this really Him? You take a step back. Almost as though he were reading your mind, the man before you turns over his palms, showing you his hands. He then gently takes your hand and places your fingers over the holes you now see clearly there. The holes are real. You have seen what caused them. You look into his eyes again, still struggling to believe this is real. Still holding that almost surreal smile the man moves your hand from his and places it on his side. There you feel another hole, a hole you know all too well verified that he was supposed to be dead. You look once more into that kind face and his eyes remain too real for you to resist. This is Jesus the Christ, risen again. He has been dead three days, and now He is alive!
Oh yes, the Lord who has died for you, has indeed risen again. He was dead, yes- for your sins he died. But He did not stay dead. No! This man, Christ, has more than died for your sins- He has defeated them completely! What more, He has more than died- He has conquered death! He has not only paid for your sins in his death, He has purchased your victory in His resurrection! As He has been crucified, oh soul, know that it was for you. And as He has risen again, oh be sure that it was also for you. If you have been crucified with Him, believe that you have also risen with Him. His resurrection was in your place just as his death. Your old self is done away with and the new you has been born! Your sinful nature has been dealt its death blow and your new life is here to be lived! Oh yes! There is a mighty lion that death cannot subdue and sin cannot stop. His power extends from the depths of Hell to the glories of Heaven. Hell itself holds no power over you, Christ has endured it for you. Sin has no power- Christ has conquered it. Death has no sting- Christ has absorbed it. All is yours and yours is all in the resurrected Christ.

So let us go back to the Theology lecture. Let us go back to our wretched sin. Is it terrible? Christ is tremendous. Is it ugly? Christ is beautiful. Is it awful? Christ is amazing. Dear sinner, have you a horrible habit of sinning? Christ paid the penalty for it. Have you great doubts that you will ever be able to get victory over your sin? Christ has purchased for you the power to do so already. Oh burdened sinner, oh restless and frustrated saint, oh hopeless and bitter soul- know what is yours in the crucified and risen Christ. There is not a sin that can be held against you before the court of God the Holy One which Christ does not plead your case. Of all your failures, of all your greatest and most wicked acts, there is not one that holds any sway when the risen Christ says, “He’s with me.”
Is this grace impossible in your case? No, it is amazing. Is this love not possible for you? No, it is divine. You have nothing left to ask before God; you have nothing more to say. Christ is yours and you are Christ’s, what duty have you anymore but to praise His name? Yet what delight? You are as righteous as Christ- for He is your righteousness. You possess all that is His- for Christ is God’s and you are Christ’s. You have life eternal, joy to the full, and hope everlasting. The peace that passes all understanding is yours. The mercy that is new every morning is yours. And, oh soul, if you could but taste it now, the love which God loves even his very own Son is yours. This love knows no height that you can hit its roof; and no depth that you can dive to its bottom. It knows no breadth that you can span; nor any greatness you can ever fathom. It is infinite altogether and never ending.
This love is a sweetness that, far from yielding only temporary gratification, fully and lastingly whets the soul. Yea, what the soul finds in Christ is more than enough and fills the soul even to overflowing. It is a fountain bursting with blessings as numerable as the water drops it spews forth. Can you count them? Don’t even bother; rather bathe in this fountain; swim in it, drink deeply of it. Always take your full of it. Breathe in Christ.
Oh, does not the thought of Christ cause you to smile? At the mention of His name does your heart not jump within you? Think of Him, dwell on Him; let Him richly dwell within you. You can never have too much of Christ. Oh person, sit yourself down and preach to yourself Christ. Oh believer, draw nearer to Christ. Oh burdened sinner get yourself up and look upon Christ. Turn your eyes from your sin and see Him there. See Him on the cross. See Him raised again. See Him interceding for you before the Father. He is all you need. He is ever what you will need. He is all you have. And all of Him is yours.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.