"You may wonder why I speak of the obligation of marriage--in the singular--when, of course there are many obligations (for instance, Paul speaks in 1 Cor. 7 of the obligation of sexual relations). When I speak of the obligation of marraige, I have in mind the basic obligation underlying all others (including the sexual obligation). That basic obligation is to meet the other's need for companionship. When a couple takes marriage vows, whether they realize it or not (and often they do not), they are vowing to provide companionship for one another for the rest of their lives; that is what their vows amount to. Notice they do not vow to receive companionship, but to provide it for one another. Marriage itself if an act of love in which one person vows to meet another's need for life, no strings attached.
That means that when a husband or wife complains, "I am not getting what I want out of marriage" his or her statement is nonsensical. And you must reply, "You did not enter marriage in order to get something for yourself. You vowed to give something to your partner. Marriage is not a bargain in which each partner says, 'I will give so much in return for so much.' Each vows to give all that is necessary to meet his or her spouse's need for companionship, whether or not he or she receives anything in return. Therefore, the only question is, 'Are you fulfilling your vows?'" Many marry for what they can get out of the marriage; but that is lust, not love, and is biblically untenbale. For that reason it is often necessary to challence counselees about their inadequate views of marriage and their failures to live up to their stated vows. As an act of love, marriage vows commit one to giving, not getting. Therefore, the Christian counselor must help his counselees see that the fundamental question is, "How can I please God and my mate?" not "how can I please myself?" To please God by rightly pleasing one's spouse is the basic obligation of marriage.
That means that when a husband or wife complains, "I am not getting what I want out of marriage" his or her statement is nonsensical. And you must reply, "You did not enter marriage in order to get something for yourself. You vowed to give something to your partner. Marriage is not a bargain in which each partner says, 'I will give so much in return for so much.' Each vows to give all that is necessary to meet his or her spouse's need for companionship, whether or not he or she receives anything in return. Therefore, the only question is, 'Are you fulfilling your vows?'" Many marry for what they can get out of the marriage; but that is lust, not love, and is biblically untenbale. For that reason it is often necessary to challence counselees about their inadequate views of marriage and their failures to live up to their stated vows. As an act of love, marriage vows commit one to giving, not getting. Therefore, the Christian counselor must help his counselees see that the fundamental question is, "How can I please God and my mate?" not "how can I please myself?" To please God by rightly pleasing one's spouse is the basic obligation of marriage.
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